Navigating Love and Relationships in the Digital Age: Gen Z’s Take on Modern Dating

In a world where AI is part of our daily lives and autopilot cars are a thing, the way we develop our interpersonal relationships has shifted drastically, especially for Generation Z (people born between 1996 and 2010).

Red flags, green flags, and situationships are some of the terms that younger people use when being asked about the dating scene nowadays. Serena Lo from San Diego gave us a scoop on what it’s like to be single and explore the dating world as a 21-year-old attending fashion school in New York and studying abroad in Rome.

If you could describe the dating scene today in one word, what would it be?

Sparse. There’s a limited pool of people to choose from, and then within those people, the options seem sparse for the kinds of partners I'm looking for.

How do you feel about that?

For Gen Z, we have so much access to people around the world, like, through social media, etc. Yet it still seems like you can never really find your person, which I think is kind of interesting, especially now having lived in three different places and having been single in all of them.

I think that even though you have access to more people, in a way, it feels harder than ever.

What’s the first thing you notice about someone on a first date? Do you have any mental deal-breakers for a possible boyfriend?

I think one of the biggest things that I see is the way that they talk about themselves and the people that they care about, and two, the amount that they talk about themselves and how interested they are in having a flowing back-and-forth conversation.

A deal-breaker for me is if somebody solely talks about themselves the entire time. Obviously, I want to get to know them and everything, but it also gives off the connotation that you're not interested in me or who I am. And of course, there are other deal-breakers, like misogyny, the way that they treat service workers, and things like that.

But I would say that there has to be a good amount of chemistry between them and me. You always know if somebody's a good person if you can have good banter. And honestly, if you feel like you don’t even need to pick up your phone to check the time, that’s definitely a sign.

Having lived in two big cities like Rome and New York, what do you think are the differences between New Yorkers and Romans?

Romans are definitely more expressive and forward with the way they reach out to you, especially if they’re interested in you. They care more about getting to know you, where you’re from, and different aspects of your life, while guys in New York tend to care more about your social standing, what you do for work, and more surface-level qualities.

Italians show more physical affection and aren’t afraid of approaching you, and even kissing you. New Yorkers are colder and less straightforward. Obviously, other factors like the language barrier change the interaction that I’m able to have with New York vs. Italian guys. My limited Italian doesn’t always take me very far, making it harder to communicate with Romans or understand their intentions, even if I’m more interested in them than New York guys.

There is a stereotype among Americans that makes them think that Italians are more romantic. Do you believe this to be true?

I do, and I think it’s because the culture is much more familial, and they just seem to hold greater values surrounding love. I think it’s because it manifests through how they’re more likely to express themselves and have more traditional tendencies. Italians can be more proper with the way they interact with women, in terms of them being gentlemen.

What would you consider a red flag? And a green flag?

A red flag is something that just doesn’t sit right with me after someone does or says something in a certain way. An example would be if they're overly touchy or all over you right away and you feel like they're not giving you personal space. It just feels like they're just trying to be there for you physically. Yeah. I hate that.

A green flag is when someone does or says something that aligns with your values and makes you feel comfortable. I think a green flag is when somebody does something that makes you feel safe. An example of a green flag is when they're very aware and in tune with their surroundings—not just that, but also of you and how you're feeling. Attention to detail. I think that's what a green flag is for me.

Dating apps or organic connections? Why?

Organic all the way.

Delete the apps. Why? Because, in general, the world wasn’t built for us to meet people through a dating app. Originally, humans were only meant to know around 100 people. And within those people, you find your people.

I think that dating apps ruin the meeting experience because you are exposed to so many people and you're solely judging someone based on, like, six photos, a few prompts, and their name.

Also, at least for me, I’m able to let my personality shine through and get a sense of who they really are when I meet them face-to-face. In all my serious relationships, I've met everybody face-to-face and I prefer that.

Do you feel like the concept of "dating" is the same for Gen Z compared to how your parents or grandparents might describe it?

I think fundamentally it is the same. But if you're saying the way that we describe it, I think that Gen Z is more self-aware than any other generation in the past, which is why we're able to pick up on things in a potential partner that previous generations wouldn't have processed.

Self-awareness and empathy—yes, those are the two main expectations in Gen Z relationships.

What do you think about situationships?

Situationship: A romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

I think that a situationship will work if it's purely two people who are on the exact same page and they know it's nothing more and nothing less than that. For example, friends with benefits. But personally, I've been through a situationship before and it just never works out, it just ends up with one of the two people, or both, getting hurt.

Do you think Gen Z has a commitment issue? Why is that?

Yes. 100%. Because again, now we have so many options in terms of possible partners, and a lot of times, for various reasons as well, we don't want to feel confined to one person because we're afraid of, you know, maybe getting, like, screwed over by them.

And maybe it's an attention thing as well. We want to be able to have the attention of multiple people and not have to feel like we're sacrificing everything just for one person. Unless you love them. It really depends.

Do you think the idea of ‘soulmates’ or finding ‘the one’ still resonates with Gen Z, or has that shifted over time?

Oh, funny, funny question, because actually on every first date I have, I always ask the other person this.

I think the perception of soulmates has faded within our generation. I know a lot of people who’ve said, "I wouldn’t mind getting married more than once." Maybe one of those partners will be a soulmate—I don’t know.

Also, I just don't think Gen Z understands what a soulmate is anymore. I think we relate the meaning of the soulmate more to friendships than to romance.

For me, a soulmate is not just “the perfect person” walking into your life. I think a soulmate is someone you’ve worked and struggled with—not someone you had to change for, but someone you grew with as you evolved together.